Before, you were looking forward to your lover's call, dressing up for a date, and he gave flowers and did crazy things. And now children, mortgages and sex on duty. A relationship without passion is one of the most common problems in couples who have been together for a long time. You become truly close people, but gradually friendships crowd out love ones. How to renew romantic feelings and sexual attraction?
We present our mini-experiment: we collected tips on the social network from those who, as they say, have been married for more than a day, and tested them on ourselves. So, given: a married couple (Natalya, 37 years old, Dmitry, 41 years old), married for 19 years, four children, there is love, trust, but the passion has passed.
Candles, roses, beautiful linen
Gloss says: light candles, scatter rose petals, serve strawberries with cream and put on erotic lingerie.
Natalia: I did just that. It works, yes, but as a one-time promotion. If you do this regularly, the novelty effect disappears. And you will also have to shake out the flower husks from the folds of the duvet cover after shaking them out.
Dmitry: “How can this get boring! I’m all for it, I liked it, give me more.”
Training for the development of sexuality
Natalia: “I attended an online training from the “so make a fire” series, during which, God forgive me, a banana was used to teach the art of oral sex. In principle, the idea is not bad - the XXI century, and we are all the old fashioned way. But technique is not the same as emotion. Three out of five."
Dmitry: “My emotions went wild. Are there trainings for men?
Romantic dinner for two
Natalya: “Excuse me, but where to put the children? No, the idea is great. But let's proceed from the realities of an ordinary average family, where parents always work, and grandparents are far away. You can turn to the services of a babysitter, but bother looking for a decent person for the sake of three hours a week? Light version: put the children to bed, turn on the "Fifth Element" for the hundredth time, eating sweets along the way. You know, it's great!"
Recall all Natalia: “How did you behave, say, in the first year of marriage? When passions boiled, you did not notice the scattered socks, and he did not grumble because of the lack of dinner. Start with yourself: how long have you told your husband that you love him? Do you kiss him in the evening, meeting him from work, or are you limited to a mean "hello"? At first it will be difficult, but over time you will definitely get involved, and your partner will certainly appreciate it. Every action generates a response. You saw - he grumbles, you have a sour face - he will cut the same mine. And if you smile and do not make a disaster because of being late from work, your husband will answer you in the same way. Bottom line: it works 100%, I recommend it.
Dmitry: “It works, it works! In moments when I wanted to grumble, I recalled our first meetings. So what if the car was scratched? In general, advice helps to refresh relationships, that's for sure.
Allow yourself bold experiments
Natalia: “A lengthy piece of advice evokes associations with a Swedish family. Invite someone third into the matrimonial bedroom, for company? Or convert to the faith of BDSM people? Sorry but no. Such things are discussed on the shore. There is such a thing as taboo - everyone has their own criteria, but breaking yourself even for the sake of a illusory hope of reviving passion is not worth it.
Dmitry: “Is watching porn movies together considered a bold experiment? Of course, every couple has their own habits and beliefs. If someone is satisfied with the third in the bedroom, then why not?
Do not mix sex and everyday life Cleaning, cooking, lessons with children, deadlines - there is no escape from everyday life, all this becomes an integral part of life together. We get tired, we want to relax in pajamas, not to think about how we look. And that's okay. But you should not transfer the home image to the matrimonial bedroom, turning sexual life into a monotonous ritual.
Natalia: “What I did: I changed the script, offering to make love when the partner least expects it. Sex should not become a logical end to the day (dinner - shower - marital duty - sleep). Verdict: Great move.
Dimitri: "Oh, that's cool! This is what we lacked, most likely. It's hard to turn off your head when the car needs to be fixed and the kids are screaming. But it is worth trying - and everything will work out.
Relearning sex
Sexual preferences can change throughout life. More than one year has passed since you met your man. It is quite logical that desires have changed (for both you and your partner).
Natalia: “It took me some time to recognize a new bodily manifestation of my “I”. Conversations with her husband, discussing fantasies - this excites even in the "just talk" format. I definitely recommend it."
Dmitry: "That's right. We often cling to old sexual scripts that are no longer viable. After all, it was good, why reinvent the wheel? But we are really changing."
Make your partner jealous
Natalia: “We can do that. Well, that's the nature. I'm always flirting, but so that you would rinse the eyes and greed giggle, no. Happy New Year, Easter and March 8, many men congratulate me: colleagues, classmates, a mechanic from the housing and communal services. It's definitely nice. But my husband is not very good, so I don’t see a causal relationship between jealousy and passion here.
Dmitry: “No, the advice is bad. Don't wake up the beast in me. Of course, everything boils with me, including passion, but there is a desire to sit in the bushes with a gun. Don't do it. And in general, not only my mother and sister congratulate me on Christmas and Easter!
Natalia: “But from this place in more detail!”
Don't get hung up
Natalia: “This is super advice. Yes, in a long-term relationship, passion is not in the first place. Of course, I want everything to be like many years ago. But you should not push ahead, subordinating your whole life to the goal of "returning the fire."
Dimitri: Well said. I hate planning. As if you need to put a reminder on your smartphone - today a romantic dinner, tomorrow sex in an unusual place.
Just making love
Natalia: “You know, yes. Working. Of course, after work, we all want to put on cozy pajamas and lie down - as long as no one touches us. I have a headache, I have to submit a report, I'm tired, give me half an hour of rest - in a couple of months you will be perplexed who needs this sex at all. No, to make love through force, when a migraine is knocking on the temples, I do not call. Get distracted and start - appetite comes with eating. Checked, approved.
Dmitry: “This was probably advised by a man. I'll be brief: that's right, just do THIS.
Become friends with your partner
Natalia: “Controversial advice. Of course, after N years of marriage, you become close people. My husband and I (I give out a little secret) love to gossip, for example. He told me - about the head of the site, which gives him difficult objects. I told him - about the fact that there is no inspiration to write an article, that in Russian, it turns out, there are new rules. We are friends, yes. But it does not contribute to passion in any way.
Dmitry: “How it contributes! My wife is my friend, she knows how to listen, supports, she is the most desirable. I can't want anyone more than her."
Stabilize the emotional background Natalia: “In other words, do not swear too often and do not get personal. If you quarrel with your husband in the kitchen, mentioning his mother in three generations, then nothing will work in the bedroom. Even if you put on lace underwear and turn on a sweet song in the background
When young people fall in love, meet, get married, their eyes shine with happiness, they experience tenderness, energy is in full swing. During this period, the wife wants to take care of her husband, cook soups for him, iron his shirts. The husband wants to carry his beloved woman in his arms. But even a successful marriage is undergoing a transformation: the couple becomes bored, ordinary, monotonous. If the spouses do not know how to return passion, the outcome will be sad.
Passion can go away after the birth of a child, the transformation of household chores into a routine, and also due to the lack of novelty in intimate life, and in spiritual life too. Sexual problems can also appear due to physiological and psychological features. These include:
- hormonal imbalance in women;
- menopause;
- decrease in potency;
- violation of the regime of work and rest;
- stressful conditions;
- deterioration of material well-being;
- rejection of the partner's appearance;
- excess weight;
- the presence of children.
Hello! In the article we will talk about the reasons why there are problems in intimate relationships, how to return sex and make it more intense.
Passion at the initial stage of a relationship is natural and predictable. It seems like this will go on forever. But time passes, and the relationship goes in a different direction. It seems that more important things come to the fore - friendship, responsibility for raising children, maintaining a common household. But at the same time, the less positive emotions a couple receives in bed, the more claims arise to each other. Why is this happening?
Why do sexual problems arise?
Physiological causes
Consider the main reasons leading to the extinction of passion. Physiological factors include:
1. Violation of the hormonal background in women.
Hormonal shake-ups accompany women throughout their lives. The body changes during pregnancy and lactation. Expectant mothers react differently to sex. Some retain libido, others completely refuse intimate relationships. This is often explained by poor health, fear for the proper development of the child.
Lactation leads to a decrease in estrogen production, suppresses ovulation, and as a result, interest in sex disappears.
Changes the hormonal background, reduces sexual activity, taking contraceptives, diseases of the female genital organs.
2. Menopause.
The production of estrogens is sharply limited with a decrease in ovarian function, the onset of menopause. The female body is arranged in such a way that the withering away of the reproductive function leads to the extinction of sexual desire. During sex, a woman feels discomfort due to vaginal dryness, which does not add passion to intimate relationships.
3. Decreased potency.
The occurrence of erectile dysfunction in men occurs due to abuse bad habits, prostate diseases, sexually transmitted infections, stress. After 40 years, testosterone synthesis decreases. A direct decrease in potency does not affect sexual desire. A man is oppressed by thoughts of his possible failure in bed, which exacerbates the problem.
In most cases, it is possible to return sex to a relationship, since insufficient erection can be corrected by doctors.
Psychological reasons
Often the extinction of sexual desire does not depend on physiological changes in the body. Reduced sexual activity psychological factors wrong way of life, external circumstances, unwillingness to be sexually attractive. These factors include:
1. Failure to comply with the regime of work and rest.
It has been noticed that businessmen, heads of different levels, regardless of gender, do not follow the work schedule, stay in the office until late. As a result, they do not sleep. Such workers cannot afford the required annual leave. Fatigue and irritation accumulate. The body is under enormous stress, there is neither strength nor time for a full-fledged sex life.
2. Stressful conditions.
Cases of loss of close relatives, work, serious illnesses, divorce are especially dangerous. These stressful events often lead to depression, loss of interest in life and, accordingly, to sexual relations. These situations aim the body for survival, not for pleasure. With frequent quarrels, misunderstanding of each other's needs, stress arises, leading to a lack of libido.
3. Deterioration of material well-being.
When there are enough funds to meet material needs, an environment is created in a couple that is favorable for receiving pleasure, including in a full-fledged sexual life. With a decrease in the level of income, dissatisfaction with oneself and the circumstances arises. All efforts are directed to finding ways to eliminate this situation. The couple begins to conflict with each other, the level of claims against the partner increases. Alienation occurs, making physical intimacy impossible.
4. Rejection of a partner because of appearance.
The first time after meeting the partners look in the best light. Women with makeup, hair, high heels, emphasizing slender legs. The men are clean-shaven, neatly dressed, and smell of perfume. But with a long life together, a man and a woman cannot always be at the “parade”. If there are no strong feelings, sexual attraction fades away.
5. Overweight.
If excess weight in men reduces the amount of testosterone, then a weak libido in obese women is associated with psychological problems. They don't accept themselves for who they are. Fat women are ashamed of their weight, feel unattractive to the opposite sex.
Low self-esteem can lead to one-time sex, frequent change of partners.
Usually outwardly they are cheerful, relaxed, pleasant in communication. But when it comes to bed, women are tight, they don't have orgasms.
6. Having children.
With the advent of children, the responsibilities of parents increase. Small children often get sick, do not sleep at night when teeth are cut. At this time, parents are not up to sex. Another reason is the elementary lack of living space, when children and parents are forced to sleep together.
The fading of passion is also affected by the loss of the sensual side of life. After all, long-term relationships are not based on one sex. The loss of love, respect, as well as assigning the wife only the role of mother or mentor, father, leads to the fact that the partner is no longer perceived as a sexual object.
How to bring passion back into a relationship
If the cause of the fading of libido is not of an irreversible physiological nature, then you can bring novelty into the relationship, establish a spiritual and physical connection.
In order to increase sexual attractiveness, become desirable for your partner, return your former passion, use the following tips:
1. Look after yourself.
This is especially true for the weaker sex. Do not wear a greasy bathrobe at home, walk with messy hair. Don't forget that men love with their eyes. They need beautiful picture that excites the sexual imagination.
- On modern marketplaces big variety cute clothes for the house. Purchase several sets of sexy lingerie.
- Style your hair, use perfume. Be and smell good not only at work, at a party, but also at home.
- Follow your figure. You should not overeat "sweets" that increase the volume of the waist.
- Buy a subscription to the fitness center, invite your other half with you. Training improves the figure and health, which contributes to a vibrant intimate life.
If a woman loves her ears more, this does not mean that a man can walk around the house in leotards with outstretched knees, be unshaven and smell bad. Women negatively perceive bad smells, may find untidy appearance men for showing disrespect to themselves. Return sex with his wife will help the elementary rules of hygiene.
2. Change the decor in the bedroom.
If you want sex to happen more often, choose the appropriate color when painting walls, buying textiles, and flooring. Chromotherapy experts advise decorating a room in lilac and purple tones to enhance sexual attraction to a partner.
The subdued light of a night lamp with a red lampshade will help to return passion to sex. Bed linen is preferable to lay silk. The best colors for the manifestation of the masculine are red, brown, golden, emerald, white.
Avoid gray tones that can dull sexual desire.
3. Cook proper food for romantic dinners.
No fatty foods and strong alcohol. Do not use onions or garlic in cooking. Excite sexual appetite oysters, other seafood, turkey, mushrooms. Of the fruits, pineapple, bananas, avocados, citrus fruits have a positive effect on potency. From seasonings - celery, asparagus, ginger.
Do not forget to lay a beautiful plain tablecloth, put candles. Turn on soft music. It has been proven that the saxophone has a positive effect on increasing potency.
4. Get a hotel room, go on a picnic.
A change of scenery, new experiences and the absence of problems set up a romantic mood, they are able to return sex to the family. This is facilitated by relaxation, delicious food, drinks.
5. Talk heart to heart.
Misunderstandings, accumulated dissatisfaction with each other are neutralized through frank emotional conversations. Conversations help to better understand each other, to find out what is important for a partner and what does not suit him in you. for the wrongs caused. Such conversations contribute to the establishment of sensual and sexual relationships.
6. Practice sex in unusual places.
Excites the imagination of intimacy in the office, elevator, in nature. The feeling of danger, based on the fact that you can be seen at any moment, ends in a violent orgasm.
These actions smack of adventurism, but the game is worth the candle. Such moments are etched in the memory for a long time, there is a sense of belonging. The couple has a sexual relationship.
7. Visit a sex shop, watch adult films.
Buy toys, gels, lubricants, use them during sex. Before intimacy, films with sex scenes are exciting. Role-playing games expand the horizons of intimate life. These factors bring novelty, make you look at your partner as a great lover.
8. Make your partner jealous.
Do your hair, put on evening makeup, put on a sexy dress. Go with a partner to a restaurant, guests, where there will be no shortage of men ready to turn their eyes on you. The main thing here is to know the line, you cannot show signs of attention to the opposite sex yourself. Your partner will be proud that he has such a gorgeous woman who is interested in other men.
Stay alone more often. Send children to grandmothers, friends, to the cinema.
Do household chores together, be relaxed in bed. When there are feelings and warmth, third parties will not appear in a relationship, you will feel good together.
What not to do
Watching for a long period of time couples with fading intimate relationship, psychologists have concluded what should not be done so as not to aggravate the problem. These errors include the following:
- pretend that there is no problem;
- shift the blame to the partner;
- do not forgive the mistakes made;
- be conservative in bed, reject everything new and unusual;
- wait for the first steps from the partner;
- do not take into account the interests and desires of each other;
- Don't talk about your feelings out loud.
Dulls interest in a partner watching endless TV shows by women and passion computer games men. If you want to maintain a full-fledged, lasting relationship, then eliminate these factors or dose them.
Don't give up prematurely. If feelings remain, then by joint efforts you can revive the former passion.
How to resume sex after childbirth
The first three months after the birth of a baby, a woman recovers from childbirth. Mom's daily routine is completely subordinate to the child. The woman is responsible for feeding, caring for the baby. During lactation, libido decreases due to insufficient production of estrogens.
There are many psychological problems. A woman is afraid that her partner will cause physical pain or discomfort, she is embarrassed by a body that has not returned to normal. During this period, a woman does not receive physical pleasure, but this does not mean that you need to refuse a partner. Sex enhances emotional attachment, strengthens relationships.
- Delegate some of the responsibilities to relatives.
Learn to trust, because grandparents love your baby, and you need a rest. Ask them to babysit the child on the day off. At this time, you and your husband can go to the cinema or to a cafe.
- Involve your husband in household chores.
A man after the birth of a child feels unnecessary, abandoned. Explain that you need help. He may well help with household chores, take a walk with the child. This will bring you closer, the first step towards the resumption of sexual life.
- Work on the look.
No matter how hard it is, you can't let go. Wise women know how to get sex back with their husband. First of all, he should see in you not only the hostess, the mother of his child, but also a sexually attractive woman.
If it is not possible to visit gym, do a set of exercises at home, do not forget about training intimate muscles. Physical activity will bring the figure back to normal, the level of estrogen will normalize, which is important for restoring libido. Dress nicely at home, be neat and tidy.
- Take an interest in the affairs of a man.
The partner wants understanding and warmth. Talk to him not only about the baby. Be interested in what's going on at work. Tell us about your anxieties, experiences.
- Plan for sex.
The child makes adjustments to intimate life. Get into his routine. Every mother knows when the child is sleeping and when she is awake. Suitable for sex kitchen or bathroom. Don't expect an orgasm. At first, you will please your partner. Ask him to be kind and gentle.
- Use contraceptives.
Women with the advent of the baby are concerned about the question of how to return sex after childbirth. They are worried not only by pain, but also by a new, unplanned pregnancy. Consult a gynecologist, he will help you choose a remedy for conception. If the vaginal mucosa is dry, use lubricants.
Libido is fully restored after a year or two. But this does not mean that during this period one should abstain from sex.
Every second married woman the situation is familiar when, at a certain stage of the relationship, the spouse imperceptibly turns into someone like a relative.
The connection with her husband becomes closer, stronger. For a long time, his underwear in the basket has not scared you, you are glad that he has a wonderful chair (after all, an ulcer, after all!). You take a burp during lunch as a compliment, and your favorite pastime is watching a movie or having a hearty meal at your favorite restaurant.
Yes, and your home clothes have long ceased to have at least a hint of sexuality - a stretched T-shirt and frayed leggings, at best.
You and your husband still hug often. But the sweet "goddess" and "winner" were replaced by "my rumpled jerboa" and "my fluffy siska."
And yes, it's all about love, in case you're beginning to doubt. Just love and family life undergoes various changes. And only in your hands the steering wheel. Wherever you turn, a ship called “relationship with your husband” will sail there. And not everyone is satisfied with a calm drifting on the water surface!
So how to return passion for her husband in a relationship?
10 Proven Steps to Bring Back Passion for Your Husband in a Relationship
Step 1. The question "How to return the passion of a husband" is normal.
If you decide to figure out how to return your husband's passion to a relationship, you should first make a cup of coffee and think calmly.
First, passion in a relationship naturally fades away over time. Especially if you and your husband were often in “unconsciousness”: you lived on the machine, worked and gave birth to children also on the machine, analyzed little and did not work on building a strong foundation.
Secondly, one cannot equate the temporary extinction of passion in a relationship with the loss of love, God forbid. Immediately discard these thoughts and designate for yourself: I love my husband and I want to return the passion in the relationship.
It's going to take a lot of work, but you're ready, I know.
Step 2. Appearance.
Where does home start? The correct answer is where the family is. How do you look at home? After all, I’m willing to bet that you and your husband most often meet at home.
One of the first steps to bring back passion in a relationship is to change your home wardrobe.
Open the closet and throw away everything that only prevents you from returning passion for your husband:
- frayed leggings with stretched knees,
- old sweatpants,
- stretched T-shirts and sweatshirts,
- faded blouses and pajamas,
- washed linen,
- old bathrobes and slippers,
- …and whatever you go outside in!
In each of us there is still a piece of the USSR, when we wore at home those things that are already embarrassing to put on “for people”. Get that stereotype out of your head! It is impossible to return passion for her husband wrapped in an old bathrobe.
The same can be said about . Do you think you can bring back your husband's passion by shaving your legs once a week? Tying a stupid bun of unwashed hair at home? Yes, he is a husband, and he loves you "and so." But does he want it as much as ten years ago?
- Always clean well-groomed hair.
- Clean and ironed home clothes.
- Don't hesitate to use perfume. Got out of the shower on a Saturday morning - spray your favorite perfume on your neck.
- Neat nails. It was only in the Soviet Union that they did a pedicure “by the summer” and dyed their hair “by the spring”.
- Bathrobe - only after a shower.
Also, think about this:
- Do you seriously want to bring back the passion in your relationship by walking around in front of your husband with a mask on your face? Leave your beauty rituals behind the closed bathroom door.
- Come to the mirror. What facial expression has become familiar to you? Slightly furrowed brows, tightly pursed lips? And this is how your husband sees you in relationships most of the time. What passion is there if you remind him of his school teacher!
Smile and laugh more often. After all, it’s easier than ever to set yourself up in a good way - just take and turn the knob of your mood in the other direction.
If you have already decided to return passion in a relationship with your husband, then you need to start small. Do not ignore this step, it is very important. After all, men love with their eyes.
Step 3. Leave "syusek".
The third step that will help return passion for her husband is a radical change in behavior.
Think back to your relationship with your husband when it was in its infancy. Passion seethed, you told each other taunts and piquancy, the touches were confident and exciting. What now? And now: “My plump-cheeked dwarf, go eat!”
To return passion in a relationship, you will have to “get together” again.
Remove from your vocabulary:
- Frankly absurd nicknames like "ass", "pussy", etc. I personally know guys who call each other "syusya and tyutya."
- Nicknames that detract from the dignity of a person: “my sweetie”, “loshok”, “dwarf”, “scab”. And I'm not making this up now, by the way.
- Insults. Even in a humorous way. Remember that praise effectively helps bring back passion in a relationship.
Instead, more often:
- Say compliments. Men are very fond of pleasant words and praise. Especially when they praise their strength, determination, fearlessness and reliability. In relationships, tell your husband more often that you are behind him, like behind a stone wall.
And even if you don't feel that way in a relationship, talk anyway! The placebo effect will work, and the husband will really begin to show his best qualities over time.
- Can be called affectionate words. But, as applied to the husband, there must be strength in them. Of course, no one forbids "seals and suns", but "my athlete" is also suitable.
Step 4. Personal space.
Returning passion in a relationship with a husband by giving each other personal space is a great option.
The mistake of many relationships is that over time, people "merge into one person." The wife begins to live in the interests of her husband or vice versa. There is “not enough time” for hobbies, problems “more important than the joys of life”, “what kind of friends are there when the husband and children are at home” and other nonsense.
Drop all these arguments, is this how you imagined a happy relationship? To return the passion for her husband will help the return of love to life. To the one that is yours. in which you female not mother, not wife, not daughter. How did you forget about it? Time to remember!
take beautiful leaf paper (you can download templates here - https://www.pinterest.com), send your family for a walk and write: “I love ...”
Write at least 30 points about what you love in this life, what you enjoy, what makes up your “I”. Now your task is to do any of the things that you wrote every day. One is at least!
Get yourself a sign. In it you can plan your day without forgetting about the pleasures. Or use this cool glider:
How does it work towards bringing back the passion for the husband in the relationship?
And, by the way, feedback will also help to return passion in a relationship. You don't let your husband see your friends? Do you demand that your spouse refuse corporate parties? Are you forcing him to give an account for every step?
What nonsense... Having rested from you, he will surely rush home with his heart burning with passion. Such innocent "respite" is very important to restore passion in a relationship with a husband.
Step 5. How to return passion through joint leisure?
The fifth step is joint leisure. Did you think that the article would be full of recipes for sexual positions from the very first step?
We discussed how important it is to spend quality time apart. But the right joint leisure will also help to return passion in a relationship.
What are you doing in ? TV set? Lessons and dinner? Maximum family movie viewing? No, that will not do. To return passion, you need to get out of your cozy nest more often. Sit still in the house, warming each other's sides, about 80 years old! Now is the time to make the most of your youth.
Suitable for spending time with your husband:
- cinema,
- theatre,
- salsa/tango evenings,
- ice rink,
- bowling,
- billiards,
- sauna,
- lectures on spicy topics (for example, sexual health),
- …and much more.
When spouses in a relationship enjoy common leisure time, this brings them together on an emotional level. Husband will see how nice you laugh, crashing on the rink. And he will instantly feel the fire of passion in his chest. He will again see in you that girl to whom he proposed marriage 10 years ago.
Since we have decided to return the passion for her husband in a relationship, it is worth setting aside two evenings a week just for you. Leave five children at this time in the children's room. Fortunately, now in any mall there is a large number of such with experienced teachers. And you two - forward to the screening of a new exciting film!
Step 6. Flirt like the first time.
Do you remember how, at the very beginning of a relationship, you coquettishly shot eyes at someone who was not your husband yet? What now? Just because you've been married for ten years and have two kids doesn't mean it's time to stop flirting.
Run your foot over your husband's leg under the table during a family dinner. Write a hot sms at the height of the working day. Gently kiss "in French" goodbye.
Just remember what it's like to flirt with a person for the first time. Awkward touches, gentle smiles and a sea of passion.
Host revelation evenings. Buy your favorite wine, light candles and ask each other questions in a variety of directions - from childhood dreams to the most cherished desires in bed. Disable mobile phones, and the baby - to the grandmother.
Step 7. Intimate affairs.
So we come to the point, without which there is no passion in a relationship. Namely, the bed.
With the fading of passion in a relationship, intimate life with her husband becomes dull. Monotonous movements, the pursuit of relaxation, forgetting about the process. It is sad. It would seem - the most that neither is a failure in the relationship. And you thought that your union with your husband would never be in danger!
Do not worry, the fading of passion in bed is just one of the stages. Your task is to identify it in time in relations with your husband and eliminate it in the bud.
Part 1. Working with the head.
First of all, you should stop looking for flaws in the relationship, in the character or appearance of the spouse. After all, excitement and passion begin in the head. Instead, focus on the positive qualities of your partner.
At the same time, stop criticizing yourself. Yes, you may have developed a new crease or wrinkle. But what the hell is the difference? After all, bed affairs are about love and passion, and not about assessing external data.
Part 2. We bring variety to the bed relationship.
Without diversity in bed, it seems to me that it is not possible to return passion for my husband, therefore:
Change positions.
After all, monotonous movements in a long-learned rhythm - where is it about passion? Fortunately, now there are thousands of sites that will help with this. For example, here: http://lovesick.ru
Change places.
The beach, the car, flirting at the movies, the locker room in the store, the shower - there are a lot of places that can diversify your relationship and return passion. Even one extreme intimate story - and you will giggle and blush two weeks after.
If all these places are not yet possible, at least move from the bed to the floor, throwing a blanket and pillows there. Light the candles and you will already feel the change.
Intimate shops.
Don't be a hypocrite. General experiments will help return passion in a relationship. After all, behind the bedroom door, you can do whatever you want, and no one will know.
Therefore, buy a whip and handcuffs, bunny ears or something completely unusual on the advice of a sales assistant. And if this option does not fit at all, then get at least an erotic board game.
How long have you been shopping for nice underwear? Did you dance for your husband? But this is an integral attribute of a relationship, from which passion does not disappear!
Step 8 Traveling is the recipe for bringing back the passion in a relationship.
Sometimes the passion for her husband fades away due to too dull everyday life. And even intimate toys do not save the situation. Then it's easy for you. Two, no children.
A new joint experience will have a positive impact on returning passion in a relationship. Choose the tour that suits you the most. Hot countries or snowy mountains?
Tune in yourself and set up your spouse that this trip is your honeymoon. Collect the best outfits, the most beautiful underwear. Make an appointment for a manicure and pedicure, get a fresh haircut. Let your husband be surprised: what kind of doll is going on vacation with him?
Step 9. Role play.
Passion for her husband can be returned with the help of role-playing games. After all, we are attracted by everything new and unknown. And from a new dizzying love, it is quite possible to go crazy for a couple of weeks, or even months. That's just, you and your husband went through this stage in a relationship 20 years ago? No problem.
Each of us is a multifaceted individual. You must have heard about the twenty-four personalities of Billy Milligan? And yes, each of them was real, so to speak. His integral "I" simply disintegrated into twenty-four separate "persons". How do you like this versatility?
Of course, we do not urge you to imitate this unfortunate person. But you still have to open some kind of new “I” - both for you and your husband. This will be your creative step on how to bring passion back into your relationship.
And even if you are used to seeing him in only one role, give your husband and yourself a chance:
- Choose an evening when you don't have trips to visit relatives and check your lessons.
- Book a table in a cozy restaurant.
- The meeting point is neutral territory. Ideally, each of you is going on a date separately.
- And now, attention: this is your first date. Your name, Marina, is Veronica. And your husband Igor, say, Ilya. It might be a little funny at first. But so much the better, play!
- Let your mind accept this situation, as for the first time: awkward touches, "Would you like some help placing an order?", a toast "for acquaintance".
- Communicate. Before you is a new person. Believe me, this evening you can hear something that you never expected to hear from your husband in a relationship. You may be pleasantly surprised by what a bold and confident handsome man is sitting in front of you.
- At the end of dinner, invite the "new companion" to go to you. Improvise to the bitter end!
Such games will help you get to know your life partner from a new perspective, return passion for your husband and give your relationship a new breath of emotions.
How to get passion back in a relationship
who are cold?
Step 10. How to return passion for your husband by talking?
And the last step to return passion for your husband in a relationship is frank conversations.
How long have you been talking about the main thing? Not about what you need to buy or in which kindergarten to give the elder. And really about the main thing. About love, about common dreams for the future. Discussed the motives of actions that upset each other. Were you asked not to do something or, on the contrary, to do something more often? Sometimes the passion in a relationship breaks down on the most ordinary understatement.
In order for negotiations with your husband to have a positive effect on your relationship, use the following secrets:
- Talk about your feelings, but avoid accusations. For instance: “It hurt me a lot to hear those words.” instead of "You hurt me with those words".
- Look straight into your eyes. This chip is one of the basic ones in a conversation with any person. Especially when it comes to relationships with your husband. So you will make it clear - you are ready to hear and listen, open to dialogue.
- Speak calmly and evenly. Don't whisper and don't scream. Shouting will automatically force the spouse to defend himself and constructive dialogue will not work.
- Build a dialogue on an equal footing. Do not try to put pressure on pity, portraying the victim. Or press with authority, which also happens in relationships. The result of such behavior is likely to be. But the problem will not be solved, and you will not be able to return the passion in the relationship.
As long as marriage unions are relevant, the question will also be relevant. How to return passion for a husband in a relationship?
The main thing to remember is that marriage with a loved one is worth all the effort to fight for it. And the fading of passion for a husband in a relationship is just a stage that can be overcome by holding hands.
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"I want you so much!" - how long ago did your beloved husband say this to you with a passionate breath and trembling in his voice? Not just for the sake of "tick" to pay off your marital duty, but sincerely, with a desire to tear your clothes off in order to take possession of you? If you have been in a relationship for a long time, then surely his hot ardor has already disappeared. Yes, and you are no longer “sausage” from a momentary desire to have wild sex with him. Why is this happening, and how to return passion in a relationship?
Where does the passion go?
Long family relationships really fail in "sexual battles". If at first it was impossible to break away from each other in bed, then over time this frenzied passion begins to fade. The orgasm is as pleasant as before, but there are no sparks in it anymore. Life gets stuck, questions concerning family life, and not about diversity in sex, come first.
Awakening passion becomes even more difficult because petty quarrels and misunderstandings between people interfere with tender relationships. And a worn robe does not cause sexual arousal, but rather the opposite - dislike, especially for male visuals who love with their eyes.
In the late 80s, a wonderful cartoon for adults "Log" was released. A visual aid for couples who have lost passion in a relationship. A wife-saw with an “abandoned” appearance, a bunch of children around her neck, everyday problems turned her husband into a log even in bed. And here is the cartoon itself:
If you recognize yourself as a cartoon "saw" from the video, then you will not be able to resume the past very quickly. Step by step, you will have to return a warm relationship with your beloved man. Love is what you forgot about, and in order to return it, mentally return to the time when your family life was just beginning, and look at what is happening now:
You did not expect special surprises from your lover, since there are few romantic men. You somehow came up with these surprises yourself. And now you demand a lot from him, you also accuse him, they say - "you are not a man."
You loved to spoil him with delicious dishes, rejoicing at how he praises you. And now in his plate for dinner lies something incomprehensible hastily— with your reference to fatigue.
You understood and listened carefully. And now you criticize any of his ideas without even listening to him to the end. Yes, and your interests have disintegrated.
You took pity on him, saving him from women's duties around the house, and praised him even for the nailed shelf. And now you put him in front of a mountain of dirty dishes and make fun of him for the same shelf that is crookedly hung.
You tried to be beautiful always, especially in front of him. And now he sees you beautiful only at the holidays.
You were sweet and affectionate, like a cat. And now you're slowly turning into a vixen.
Only now let's not blame it on his shortcomings - you are reading this article now, not him. You, as a wise woman, need to return passion in a relationship. It is clear that he is not without sin, but we must start with ourselves. And not abruptly, so that right tomorrow - but gradually. Weekdays also have a place to be. Yes, and sharp metamorphoses are more likely to frighten and alert your beloved man than to please. Therefore, little by little, return to your starting point in family relationships.
Again, I want to return to the cartoon. Do you remember how this wife tried to "seduce" her log-husband? A creepy body with saggy breasts, which are visible from under a shapeless nightgown. This is not allowed. Before going to bed with the alleged sex, you should look your best! Yes, even if sex is not supposed, anyway, you should always be desirable for your husband and smell delicious. There is this anecdote:
The Lion and the Bull drink whiskey and play cards. The bull's wife calls on the cell phone. He sends her obscenely to hell and turns off the phone. Leo's wife calls her husband. He replies: “Yes, dear, I’m coming now!” and starts gathering. A bull to him: “Yes, you’re like a rag, I sent mine like a man and it’s fine!” To which the lion replies: “The fact is that you have a wife - who, a cow? Here! And I have a lioness!”
Folk joke
So, you also need to be a lioness, not a cow, so as not to be surprised later - where did the former passion go. But even if you are disposed to be overweight, then here you also need to skillfully “distribute” your body to the size of an “appetizing yummy”: remove at least the belly that is swollen from sweets, the “hourglass” figure is not bad even for fat women. By the way, many men really prefer donuts. Only neat and toned donuts, not flabby elephants.
By the way, if you are thin, close to anorexia, then do not think that you look sexier than a fat one. Female "skeletons" for men look just as repulsive. Rekindle your love for cakes and forget about diets.
If your weight does not bother you and everything is fine with this, then having established a tender relationship with your husband during the day, you should not relax at night. But what about - you need to save the marriage and return true love. Therefore, it is not necessary to roll up to the state of Fiona: “A beauty in the daytime is a freak in the night.” Here are small and simple tips:
The body washed before going to bed and brushed teeth are the most important thing. Well, and, of course, depilation, manicure, pedicure - everything is easy, and you can do it yourself at home without spending money on specialists.
All shapeless nightgowns and comfortable, but stupid pajamas are in the firebox. Only lace and silk - that's really sexy. Don't skimp on good nightwear - better save on knick-knacks, but buy yourself the prettiest things for bed.
Pleasant metamorphoses in relationships
Relationships are established over time, your body is beautiful, outfits are bought. It remains only to continue to keep the brand: both alone with your loved one, and in communication with others. What should happen:
People around you will see how you have changed. Be sure - there will be no end to compliments. This is only to your advantage: your husband will be proud of you and a little jealous in his soul. From, too, will look at you with different eyes.
Having decided that he should be worthy of you, the husband will also want to keep the brand. And then you will also see that he will change into better side. Over time, you will be passionately drawn to each other, as in previous years.
Do not refuse intimacy to your husband, unless there are serious good reasons, for example, for health reasons. There is such an ancient and stupid excuse "head hurts" - but really just "I don't want to." After a few rejections, the passion will die out and you will have to start all over again.
Well, if you have taken into account all the advice and will act in this way, then I would like to wish you only happiness. And then your Leo will quickly go home on the first call, leaving the table with the Bulls sitting behind him, because the sexy affectionate Lioness is waiting for him at home.
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