November 4, 2018
Relationship psychology
Natali Mikhaelis

What happens if you refuse a man in intimacy? - a question that can confuse not only a young girl, but also a mature lady who already has extensive experience in amorous affairs. However, not every woman can skillfully avoid attacks on her body by a man. In some situations, there is no banal desire to have sex, however, the boyfriend may misunderstand your mood and run away. How to politely refuse a man in intimacy, read our article.

Why does a woman refuse sex?

Before you start a conversation with a man about the futility of his attempts, you need to figure out what motivates him to refuse. Perhaps you are simply not in the mood or are tired at work, or have a strong resentment towards your boyfriend? Let's look at the main reasons why a woman can refuse a man intimate relationships:

Fatigue. In this state, you may lose attraction even to the desired partner. In this case, it will be enough to endure just a few days for the couple to return to a harmonious relationship again. If this does not happen, a woman needs to reconsider her work schedule, which is often exhausting and harmful to health.
Bad feeling. Not a single person on the planet is immune from illness, therefore, during this period, a woman will in every way be removed from any sexual claims. This explanation is most relevant for diseases of the genitourinary system, as well as during PMS, when most of the fair sex aggressively perceive any hints of intimacy.
Resentment. A woman can often punish her partner by refusing to have sex for some wrongdoing. As a rule, such actions lead to a break in relations, therefore, it is not recommended to resolve conflict situations in this way.
Ignorance of a person in intimate relationships. Most decent girls won't let a man get close unless they're sure it's safe to have sex. The exception is sudden mutual feelings that lead to the creation strong family.
Physical rejection. And also a man can be unpleasant to a girl externally or internally. At the same time, a fan may have a calm disposition and a good appearance, however, the mutual exchange of fluids still does not occur. It simply lacks in your opinion, male sexuality.

The last option is almost hopeless, but it is recommended to get to know the rest better in order to know how to refuse intimacy to the man you like.

In this case, it is worth considering not only personal motivation, but also how soon after the start of the relationship the man invited you to enter into intimacy. Experts recommend acting in different situations according to certain scenarios. For example, you should not react equally aggressively to a boyfriend who has been seeking you for six months and to a guy you met just yesterday.

It is worth remembering that some men can organize a romantic meeting extremely beautifully only in order to later end up in bed with the lady they like. Rudely refusing a man can make him angry, so we advise you to try out several publicly available options.

Preliminary agreement

Pre-voiced intentions will help to avoid unpleasant misunderstandings, as well as turn a date into a banal farce with a man who only needs sex from a woman. If the gentleman is amazed, but only reacts with restraint with consent, then you can safely go on a date with him. Men always try to keep their word, so you are not threatened with sex on the first night. And also you will have a great opportunity to say no to a man if he still starts to insist. Arranging in advance is one of the best ways to avoid unwanted intimacy with someone you don't know very well.

Communication on serious topics

If you do not bring up frivolous talk during the meeting, you will have a better chance of avoiding an obscene proposal. When it comes to you, let the man know that such behavior towards the girl is unacceptable. Most of the stronger sex will not offer sex to a lady on a first date who tries to stick to serious communication and does not give even the slightest hint of flirting. If a man stops writing to you after such a date, then he does not deserve your attention.

Discreet wardrobe

It will be quite difficult for the representatives of the stronger sex to resist erotic thoughts when they see a girl in a miniskirt or a lady with a deep neckline. Remember that your appearance you yourself can provoke a gentleman to vulgar offers. An elegant dress with a length no higher than the knees and a closed collar will make it clear better than any words that the girl is not disposed to intimacy on the first date.

However, all of the above methods are best for starting a relationship. And how to refuse a man in intimacy with whom you have been dating for quite a long time? In the following sections you will find comprehensive information on this issue.

Show the importance of action

How to refuse a man so as not to offend him and miss him? Try to explain to the guy how significant this step is for you. The fact is that easily accessible women are interested in men only to satisfy their own sexual needs for a short period of time. They can have such partners only until they find the right girl for a serious relationship.

If you refuse intimacy to a man who has been dating you for a long time, then you can lose him forever, so it is recommended to allow him to do some things, but you still need to draw the line of permissibility. Try to explain to your soulmate that he must show respect for his chosen one, otherwise she will decide what is his fallback option. And it is also worth conveying to him the importance of an intimate relationship, this is especially true for a girl who has never had intimacy with a man.

Well-chosen phrases

In no case should a sexual proposal be refused categorically, even if a man has offered you to have sexual intercourse with him two months after you met. The Cavalier may think that he will not have any chance in the future. Is it worth spending time on unpromising relationship?

It is also not recommended to show fear. If a man is denied intimacy in this form, then the guy may feel like a rapist maniac trying to take possession of an innocent person. In a conversation, it is necessary to use neutral phrases, they say, you should not rush things, or everything will definitely happen when we get to know each other better, and so on. Such phrases will allow you not only to maintain relationships, but also to strengthen them, adding a touch of certainty.

Tricky answers to questions

Denied a man in intimacy, and he stopped communicating with you? Perhaps they cheated too often, not giving clear answers to the question. The fact is that a man who is interested in intimacy with a girl is not so easy to deceive. In response to all sorts of tricks, he may ask you a direct question, for what reason and why the girl is still not ready to have sexual contact with him. The easiest way to get out of this situation will be virgins, focusing on this fact. Experienced ladies are advised not to cheat, but to say directly that the significance of the upcoming intimate meeting is too great. So, you will not only politely refuse a man in intimacy, but also grow in his eyes.

Refusal to have sex with husband

There is a category of ladies who are very surprised when their spouse leaves the family. “I just refused a man intimacy, and he disappeared,” they say. Such persons do not see anything wrong in systematically denying their lover intimacy. Their favorite answer is: "After all, we are not animals to have sex every day." As a result, they remain in splendid isolation, and their husband goes to a more flexible and wise woman. To prevent this from happening, it is necessary to master the skill of a beautiful refusal to a man in intimacy.

Divert attention

Denied intimacy to a man, and he stopped communicating with you? Next time try to divert his attention when the conversation turns to sex. An observant and wise wife must know the preferences of her husband. Even if you hate action movies or boxing with all your heart, it is best to stop being capricious about this, because they can save you from unwanted intimacy. After proposing sex, hug your husband and tell him that you planned to watch his favorite movie tonight, which he talked about so long ago. Or just offer to visit a place that both of you like. The main thing is to present it with maximum sincerity so that the husband does not suspect anything.

Postpone sex for tomorrow

Quite often it happens that husbands leave to satisfy their sexual needs with their mistresses, because the wives have a constant headache. If you are very tired or feel unwell, you must honestly admit this to your partner and transfer sex to the next day. However, tomorrow it is imperative to fulfill the promise, otherwise the partner will no longer believe your words. By the way, sexologists came to the conclusion that a good intimacy relieves a headache. So maybe it's time to stop using that excuse?

cheat a little

If your husband decided to retire with you in the bedroom during daylight hours, and there is absolutely no mood, you should resort to a little trick. Say that guests will come to you soon, and then arrange a visit with someone you know. If it is not possible to implement such an idea urgently, then tell them about the cancellation of the visit. By this time, the excited spouse should already noticeably cool down.

However, in this method, you should exercise maximum caution. It's one thing to manipulate unfamiliar people, and quite another - by her own husband. If your spouse finds out that you have deceived him, this can end very badly. Such advice should be used only in a particularly emergency case, when a woman really feels unwell, but cannot reach her husband.

Refusal of obsessive gentlemen

Some particularly stubborn boyfriends can seek the location of a lady for months and not understand the word “no”. At the same time, it will be unnecessary to show tact, since a would-be lover can harass a lady for years with obsessive offers of intimacy. Attack tactics must be built in a tough way.

For example, it is worth giving a man a final warning. This can be implemented in two ways. If the boyfriend is married, then hint to him about the desire to communicate with his wife. A lone pester needs to describe in detail the virtues of your partner (even if he is fictional). If this way does not work, then do not hesitate to ask a friend for help. It is advisable to choose an actor of impressive dimensions for such a role.

We hope our article has helped you figure out what will happen if you refuse a man intimacy. Remember that when a guy really falls in love with you, he will not be afraid to overcome all obstacles on the way to the desired goal. In this case, psychologists recommend taking a closer look at this candidate. Perhaps it is a person with such devotion who will help you give real happiness, and not a prince on a white horse. However, if you still decide to refuse a man in sex, then everything should come from your personal beliefs. Most people don't like punchy excuses, and guys even more so. If you openly touch male sexuality, you may never see this person again.

» How to refuse a man

How to say no to a fan?

Every woman at least once found herself in a situation where a fan needs to be competently refused. With the sensitivity characteristic of the beautiful half of humanity, women are often afraid to offend, offend male pride, they strive to disperse in a good way, but in the end they have problems. Yes, and boyfriends are different - others do not work and a firm categorical "no". On the contrary, it can cause an ambiguous reaction, from a threat to harm oneself to aggression towards the “beloved”. What is the best way to do it?

Let's look at a few common situations. When choosing a form of refusal, you should pay attention to the psychological portrait of a man and the form of relationships. What will be like death to one, will only provoke another.

For example, there is an intelligent, kind, perhaps shy man who is hopelessly in love with you. They may turn out to be a longtime friend or acquaintance, whose feelings have only now become known. An important criterion here is that a person already takes his place in life and you don’t want to lose him at all or offend him, but it will be dishonest to give false hopes. Whatever his character, this is always the man who is sympathetic in a human way. Positive side that you can talk with him sincerely: about your feelings; about respect for him; thank you for showing you sympathy or love.

The moment of gratitude for the voiced feelings, albeit not mutual, is very important. He will see that, despite the negative response, his determination and attention were appreciated. So it was not done in vain. In fact, most men are very fond of bringing joy to women. That way you won't discount his deed. Compliments, attention and recognition are important to every woman deep down. Thanks to this person, you had the opportunity to once again feel that you are beautiful, that you are worthy of love, that someone saw you as the best. To be grateful to a person for this or to proudly turn up your nose because he is “not the one” is a matter of attitude. A woman who respects herself is likely to respect the feelings sincerely directed towards her, because she knows perfectly well that she deserves love. So the man who chose her is in her eyes at least a man with good taste. The rejection of the relationship itself must be firm and unambiguous, otherwise a person is able to harbor hope for a long time and get stuck in his love.

But be prepared for surprises! Your complaisant and good man can do what he has never done before: react impulsively, be offended, flare up ... A person who is not a "lady's man" needs courage to open his feelings. The answer could be perceived very painfully, then his aggression is a defensive reaction. If you can show at this moment such feminine qualities as wisdom and generosity, then it's time to find them in your heart ... Of course, it is not necessary to support such behavior with external approval. But for yourself to forgive and maintain communication, it may be worth it.

Another reason for the sharp reaction of any man is female pity. Subconsciously, it is always felt. No matter how much the men themselves make fun of this topic, after all, they are not children! An adult person can quite cope with his rejected feelings himself and survive the rejection. To pity him means to recognize him as dependent and, in a sense, small in comparison with you. It is fair that it hurts the sense of dignity. You should not console men as your girlfriends. Such behavior will be supported only by someone who is just ready to be a “girlfriend” or “eternal child”, but not a “reliable shoulder” among your acquaintances.

The next reason for the sharpness to your “no” is that this person is actually not so kind and good. Many mentally ill people do not look at all like hardened criminals in life, until you find yourself in their power, but rather like nice and likeable people. The displayed aggression may simply be the “true face” shown to you for the first time. A woman's instinct, observation and calm analysis help to understand the real character of a person and his motives, so do not immediately get lost in emotions, but try to assess the situation.

Another option to scare away a hopelessly in love man is to radically change his behavior for the worse in order to stop liking him. Every girl notices dozens of details that are unpleasant this person. But this technique does not always work.

An important aspect should be highlighted here ... You need to act differently if a man seems to fit the description above, obsessively pursues you, and at the same time you treat him rudely. Moreover, the more categorical refusals and dismissive behavior, the more he becomes attached and loves. This type of behavior in both men and women has its background in childhood, but we will not dwell on them here.

To get rid of him, you should be nice, attentive and caring. This does not mean answering “Yes” instead of “No”, but simply communicating on occasion in a similar manner. Soon he himself will leave to look for a new "aggressor" for the role of a lover. And you will have a reason to wonder why he chose you, especially if this is not the first time. Masochists are always subconsciously trying to find those who will hurt them. Perhaps in your attitude towards people there is initially too much neglect, cruelty or selfishness?

The next scenario is not so simple at all. The fan imposes his society, tires with the manifestation of feelings (calls, sms, gifts, constant "random" meetings, etc.). You have already answered “no” several times, but he stubbornly perceives this as “yes, but later” and female coquetry. An important role here is played by gender stereotypes, which such a person most likely shares and extends to all women in his life. He does not intend to disappear from your life, considering his persecution "a process of conquest."

Even if there is an initial interest, such obsession can completely discourage the desire to communicate with time. Not a single person wants to be deprived of his freedom of choice, and such obsession with the object of attraction is justifiably scary. Both a new person in life and an ex who wants to return the relationship can become an obsessive boyfriend. There are several options here.

First of all, take care of yourself. If you, saying “No” to men, smile sweetly, shoot with your eyes, flirt and charm, then on a subconscious level it really is such a “no”, which is “yes”. He may be confused or take your refusal literally as an offer to win me. There is a phenomenon of incongruence - inconsistencies, in this case, the information transmitted by you through different channels of communication. People perceive at the verbal (verbal) level only 10-15% of information. This will be your no. The rest is read non-verbally: about 30% through the auditory channel (intonation, tempo, timbre, voice power); about 60% through visual (facial expressions, gestures, posture, body position, etc.) and tactile channels.

At the same time, the ability to flirt with the help of gestures, facial expressions, voices, and so on in many women is almost innate and often unconscious (unintentional), so you should watch yourself. When you say "No", your demeanor should confirm the seriousness of the words, not refute them. Demanding a man to leave himself alone by sending signals of interest on a non-verbal level is not very fair. He himself will not necessarily understand what is happening, but he will be attracted to you as a potential object of passion.

Here are some flirting gestures:

shaking hair;
demonstration of the wrists;
swinging the hips;
a sideways glance;
cross-legging in a feminine manner and playing with a shoe;
slightly open mouth, licking lips, bright lipstick;
intrusion into the intimate zone (15-50 cm around the body);
chest intonations in the voice;
touches "accidentally" and so on.

If you like a person, all this, of course, should be used to attract his attention. But if you want to get rid of an obsessive boyfriend, try to exclude such behavior next to him.

And yet, it may not be entirely up to you. Arrogant fans are unlikely to understand any other refusal, except as convincingly categorical. If he sees that you hesitate, are not sure, he will begin to insist and put pressure, wanting to influence the decision. When there is not enough confidence, figure out if this person is really not interesting to you or you have not decided yet and therefore act evasively?

If there is no interest, first gather yourself internally, then talk to him. Many women are afraid to show aggression and stand up for themselves, so as not to look “not beautiful”, “embarrassing”, they wait until “he guesses”. Do not be afraid to hurt someone else's feelings, adamantly and directly ask such a person to leave your life, explain that nothing will work and that you will not change decisions. The conversation should not be dragged out, drawn into a showdown. You don't have to give reasons.

Most likely, being tough is the only way to be heard by such a person. Even if you are soft and delicate, try to play the role cold-bloodedly. After a decisive refusal, ignore attempts to communicate with you. As a last resort, you can ask a friend to play the role of a lover so that the boyfriend understands that you are busy. Or tell your brother, father, uncle about the situation - there is nothing shameful in asking for help when the attention becomes already obsessive. In addition, making a man angry by showing attention to a woman dear to him is much more dangerous than pestering a defenseless woman. Your boyfriend understands this very well.

Be prepared that if a man is touchy and not distinguished by nobility, he is able to say quite a lot of unpleasant things to you personally or to mutual acquaintances. After gentle courtship for a woman, this becomes a real surprise. This only says that the man’s self-esteem is unhealthy, the refusal was perceived as a personal insult, now he is trying to humiliate you. So, you acted very wisely, excluding him from your life now, and not later. There should be no place for guilt. Some people have one unsightly property: if they cannot get what they consider desirable, they automatically look for a way to devalue it in their eyes, put it in an unsightly light in order to reduce their stress level. Fear of public opinion should not interfere with your happiness in your personal life. Moreover, only those who live at this level will support such gossip.

A few words need to be said about "pick-ups". What distinguishes them from ordinary men who know spectacular methods of dating and communication is their rejection of a woman as a person, which allows them to treat her only as an object of self-affirmation. Under this attitude, a number of complexes and negative experience are hidden, but this does not make it easier for the affected girls. It is also not easy to roll off such a gentleman, since he is inclined to change strategy; appear and disappear, picking up the "key" to you. An important guideline is such that you will not leave the feeling of duality, even if everything is perfect in words. There will be a feeling that you are being lifted up to heaven and made to feel great; then they “lower” in some trifles, “cling” emotionally and there is a desire to prove to the man what you are worth. If you experience similar discomfort from the attention of a particular fan, refuse to communicate without delay. Such inconsistent behavior is a strong anchor. Over time, you may be surprised that you began to miss a person who initially did not cause sympathy. Don't give him time to find your vulnerabilities.

Finally, the last option is the obsessive courtship of an unfamiliar man. Such situations occur in transport, on the street, in a restaurant, etc. The best option is to say that you are not interested once, and then ignore it. You can wear headphones; say that you are very tired and want to rest. It’s good if your voice remains confident and cool so that the man understands that further communication does not promise him anything but wounded pride. After several attempts to strike up a conversation, a more or less adequate person will leave you alone.

In the case of rudeness, which every girl is familiar with, do not be rude in response (you are being provoked), remain calm and cool, change your place. When asked why you don’t want to get acquainted, you can improvise: you don’t have time, but you have a jealous karate husband, and you are now eating from the club of Jehovah’s Witnesses - you can invite him there too! This, of course, is a joke, but ingenuity sometimes helps not only to ward off unpleasant subjects, but also to cheer yourself up with humor.

A special situation with citizens under the influence of alcohol or other doping: if you “be smart” with them, this can provoke and provoke aggression; if you ignore them, then how lucky. At the very least, try to respond little, maintain a peaceful soft tone to any of his comments (really friendly, not feigned), until you get to a place where you can get away from communication or ask for help.

If the boyfriend literally pursues you, do not panic, evaluate the situation and your possible actions. In any institution or shopping center, you can threaten to call security, go in search of her. If possible, visit places with a well-functioning security system. Don't isolate yourself from people. Don't run if it's too late to do so. Running will only turn on the feeling that you are defenseless. Defiantly dial a loved one or friend on the phone and give your coordinates, describe what the pursuer looks like: if he hears everything, only better. If you are approached at night on the street, be sure to immediately shine a flashlight or mobile phone in your face, making it clear that you remember the features well. Of course, the unique situation determines the action. But the very fact that you are able to ask for help, testify, are not afraid to look funny, call for help, cools the ardor of many inadequate personalities. Most of them prefer to deal with the classic "victims". But women often waste precious time hoping that everything will work out.

The main factors that prevent you from protecting yourself are shame and fear. About shame: a normal man will always understand a woman's desire to take care of herself in an incomprehensible situation, even if you made a mistake about him. Prioritize - don't look stupid or get hurt? As for fear: you need to realize your readiness to cause real harm to another person in an extreme situation, as well as to attract attention with noise and screaming. It is for women that the psychological barrier is not easy to remove, but necessary. Be sure to get acquainted with the techniques of physical and psychological self-defense - not everything is decided by brute force.

A simple understanding that you are not afraid and not ashamed to stand up for yourself, do not provoke, you know the elementary rules of self-defense already partly removes the feeling of a “defenseless passive victim”, which such people calculate by gait, look, voice ... As practice shows, such women are more often chosen as a target. Scroll through the options in your head “what could I do in this or that situation”, consult with the men you know, because this knowledge will not become superfluous! And yet, let them be useful to you only for the growth of self-confidence!

These tips will come in handy to refuse a date tactfully and not make an enemy.

Be honest and direct

Honesty is the best solution if you don't want to cause people unnecessary pain. First, you need to be honest with yourself. Everyone deserves a chance, but sometimes we just know things don't go right. If you do not feel any attraction, then it is better not to delay the rejection.

Secondly, you need to be honest with him. Do not invent too much, be kind and frank. If you're just not interested in that person, say so. You don't have to explain anything, but if you really have a reason why you can't or don't want to date at this time, state it clearly and concisely.

When it comes to rejection, it's always better to be active rather than passive. Don't procrastinate by avoiding meetings or hoping your potential partner will take the hint. Deal with it as soon as you get the chance. Give a clear rejection so that both of you can move on.

Treat others the way you would like to be treated

A direct no can sound pretty harsh if you don't deliver it tactfully. You have no reason to be offended or disgusted (unless they are really intentionally aggressive and disgusting). It's flattering to like someone, so be polite and try to show a little appreciation. Remember the courage it takes to open up to another person.

Finally, don't talk about what happened. If you are in the same company with this person, do not tell anyone about what happened. If you turned someone down, they already feel rejected, no need to add embarrassment to this.

Focus on Yourself with “I” Affirmations

If you decide to explain to someone why you are not interested in him, try to focus the argument on yourself, and not on the interlocutor. Listing reasons why a potential partner is not worthy of you sounds rude and condescending, and besides, it can hurt the self-esteem of your interlocutor. Instead, psychologists advise using statements with "I", for example:

"I don't see you in that plan, I'm sorry."
"I really enjoy talking with you, but I don't feel a connection between us."
"I'm focused on myself right now, so I'm not interested in dating anyone."
"I think you're great, but I'm looking for something else right now."

So you do not put yourself above and do not belittle the interlocutor, but simply explain your point of view. Think of it as an early reasoning about "It's not about you, it's about me." Only in this case it is not as painful as when parting.

Show that your answer is complete

When you reject someone, do it kindly but firmly so that the other person understands that the answer is final. Don't keep people hooked. You may find it nice that you suggest "stay friends" or "get to know each other better for a start," but this will only give hope to your interlocutor, and you will get sideways.

After rejection, even a friendly call or message in social network can convince you that all is not lost and it is worth trying further. So do not give hope to a person if there is none. Offer to remain friends only if you have a strong belief that your interlocutor can sustain a relationship in this vein. Otherwise, he may think that your "no" means "not now" or "I need to be conquered first."

Wirth lovers: do not answer or formulate answers briefly

If most of your dating takes place online, then it may be more difficult for you to get rid of an obsessive admirer. Internet users have no idea who you are and usually get to know as many people as possible. Therefore, if a potential partner has not written something personal based on studying your profile, you can safely ignore it. Even answering something to a person that you definitely do not like, you again give false hope and drag yourself into a conversation that will only waste time.

If you still want to answer in order not to sound rude, then online dating experts (there are some!) Suggest phrases like this:

“I looked at your profile. I think you're cool, but I don't see us as a couple, so I don't think we should go on a date. I don't want us to waste each other's time."
“I've kind of got my eye on someone on the site already and I don't think it's fair to meet you while I'm trying to build a relationship with the other person. I hope you find the one you are looking for."

Take the initiative in your own hands if the interlocutor is too persistent

Sometimes you realize that you will refuse a person exactly at the moment when he speaks to you. Maybe he's being overly provocative or seems only interested in getting your phone number (you never know, suddenly collects them).

In this case, take the initiative in your own hands. If someone insistently asks for your number, say something along the lines of "Why don't you give me your number instead and I'll call you." Your interlocutor will feel that he has achieved his goal, and will leave you alone.

The ability to say “no” is just as important for a girl as mastering the basic skills of applying makeup, combining colors in a wardrobe, and preparing a more or less hearty dinner. And if you can still somehow manage without the latter, then, having no idea how to refuse a man and not ruin your relationship with him, you can seriously complicate your life.

Giving a turn from the gate to an annoying passenger who sat down on the next seat in public transport is one thing, but refusing a date for the son of a mother's friend is already completely different. You can’t dismiss him like an annoying fly with a strong word or a magazine. You won’t get off at the next stop and disperse like ships at sea - you will meet again and have casual conversations about the weather. Classmates, classmates, work colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances - denying intimacy to these men, like it or not, but you have to show tact.

Not knowing how to politely refuse a man, women often make such mistakes. Source: Flickr (greta_marlene)

How not to refuse a man if you don’t want to ruin your relationship with him

1. Show intemperance and rudeness.

Of course, you are already tired of his obsessive attention and have every right to personal space. But any insolence is unacceptable. First, because you are a girl. Do not spoil your image in the eyes of other potential boyfriends. And, secondly, think about it: since he chose you for the role of the object of his adoration, then he has at least one quality that deserves due respect from you - good taste.

2. Get personal and focus on his shortcomings.

The fact of refusal in itself is a serious blow to pride, which can for a long time discourage a guy from approaching girls closer than a cannon shot. Therefore, do not exacerbate the situation and try to honestly explain what the matter is. Believe me, if this is not a narcissist in front of you, then he himself is well aware of his shortcomings.

3. Regret.

If you are dealing with an adequate and sane guy, then pity is the last thing he would like to read in your eyes. Trying to regret and console, you will only make it worse - his manhood will be trampled on.

Not knowing how to politely refuse a man, women often make such mistakes. After that, many of the object of sympathy turn into an object for mockery and ridicule. A wounded male ego is a serious enemy, so it is better not to fight with him.

How to mitigate rejection and get dry out of the water?

If you are worried about how to politely refuse a man, prepare phrases that will help steer the conversation in the right direction in advance. There can be many options here, the main thing is to follow the basic 3 principles:

1. Speak persuasively.

A frank conversation is, of course, not a business report, but any of your words should sound just as confident and clear. Often men do not accept refusal just because it sounds completely unconvincing.

This is interesting! Psychologists assure us that how we speak matters more than what we say. Verbally (that is, through words), the interlocutor perceives no more than 15% of the information. The remaining 85% are read through non-verbal signs - intonation, voice timbre, body position, facial expressions, gestures, etc.

It is very difficult to convince a guy that you are not on your way if you use all kinds of female tricks during a conversation. You don’t need to straighten your curls, cross your legs, show off your neck and wrists, play with a shoe - in this case, the boyfriend will certainly regard your “no” as “yes, but later.”

Another taboo is to invade the intimate zone of a man. No need to try to sweeten the pill with touches, hugs and friendly kisses. Before starting a conversation, make sure that the distance between you is at least 50 cm. Otherwise, on a subconscious level, your actions will be perceived by a man as a game of cat and mouse, and then do not expect him to leave you alone.

2. Don't feed on promises.

When choosing the right phrases before refusing a guy, immediately cross out sentences with something like this:

"I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet."
"Let's not now."
"Let's not rush things."
“Perhaps I will think about it,” etc.

It is unlikely that in this way it is possible to cool the feelings of a man in love, rather, on the contrary - these words will only provoke him. It is not easy to refuse, but by delaying the moment of truth, you will bring even more torment to both him and yourself. Do not know how to refuse a person without offending him? Be honest with him, at least as far as your real intentions are concerned. Lying for good in this case is the worst thing that can be.

Try to be polite and sensitive, but at the same time categorical and inexorable - this is the only way you will be able to protect your personal space and not offend the guy. Source: Flickr (CEBImagery)

3. Provide a good reason.

The question of how to politely refuse a guy is easier to solve if you manage to argue your decision. Do not leave him at a loss and explain what the matter is, then you will have a much better chance of maintaining a friendly relationship. The main thing is that this reason should be:

respectful;
believable (banal excuses are no good if you really don’t want to offend him);
neutral (did not depend on him and had nothing to do with his personal qualities).

How to refuse a man so as not to offend him? Choose one of several options:

"I never have an affair at work, sorry, but it's a matter of principle."
"I'm sorry, but my heart is not free."
“You are really very good, but I only like calm homebodies, what can you do,” etc.

There can be any number of such reasons, it all depends on the specific situation. The main thing is that they correspond to all three parameters, which were discussed above.

Important! Psychologists know how to refuse a guy without offending him - start a phrase with a compliment. It should be sincere and touch on some strength of character, not appearance. So, one can note his courage, determination, determination, strength and assertiveness - in general, everything that can be considered a manifestation of masculinity.

Here is what you can say in response to a confession: “I am really amazed at your courage, not everyone can talk so openly about their feelings. Only truly strong men are capable of such an act. Sorry, but I already have a young man and I am sure that such a wonderful man like you will also soon have a worthy girlfriend.

How to deal with a rejected man after an awkward conversation?

As a rule, one episode of a showdown is enough for the guy to no longer return to this issue. But if you had to deal with a particularly persistent boyfriend, then you won’t be fed up with words alone - you will have to back them up with real actions. Here's what you can do to cool the ardor of an assertive gentleman and at the same time not ruin your relationship with him:

1. Ignore.

You've explained everything and you've been as accurate as possible. Now you are not responsible for his experiences. Do not try to be nice, fawn and try to compensate for his hurt feelings with your attention. Reduce your communication to a formal level. Be kind but detached.

2. Show your chosen one.

If you really have a young man, let him show himself to the eye of an admirer in love a couple of times. Everyone around should know that your heart is busy. If you don't have one yet, ask a close friend to play this honorary role. After all, it is one thing to impose your society on a defenseless girl, and quite another to risk facing an angry man one on one.

Feelings that we cannot reciprocate can bring a lot of unpleasant emotions. This is always a game on the edge and when the cards are revealed, not everyone manages to maintain good relations. Try to be polite and sensitive, but at the same time categorical and inexorable - this is the only way you will be able to protect your personal space and not offend the guy. Well, if nothing comes of it, and the relationship is completely ruined, don't worry too much. In the end, your own peace of mind is much more important than other people's fantasies.

1. Be honest but polite

If, for example, you need to refuse a boyfriend with whom you had one date, but you didn’t like the guy, you don’t need to get lost, turn off your phone, drop calls and ignore SMS. This is insulting and somehow not human. This behavior affects the self-esteem of men. It’s better to honestly say that the meeting was nice and pleasant, you had a good time, but during the conversation you realized that this man can become a great friend and buddy for you, but not a young man, that you value his time and want to be honest with him . A man will understand everything, because he might not like you either, this is normal!

2. Give specific answers, not evasive excuses

The phrases “Yes, I probably don’t know something, I don’t really understand what awaits us ...” or “I’m not ready for seriousness yet” are often perceived by men as light coquetry, flirting and a desire to encourage a man to persuade a girl further. If you do not want to give any hope for communication / meetings / relationships - say “No!” right away. No hints. Men don't understand them. And so that the refusal does not sound offensive, add arguments: “I would gladly continue our acquaintance, you are very interesting person, but I’m married, you’re late!”, “Thank you for the compliment, but I’ll refuse, I don’t care about relationships and novels at all,” “I appreciate your sympathy, but I can’t offer you anything other than communication,” and so on, depending on situations.

3. Refusal to meet in social networks

Now more popular than live dating. Virtual communication is replacing the real one, but in the Internet world there are situations when you need to refuse communication to a man, but it is not clear how to do this. Ignoring is the easiest. But, according to the stronger sex, it is better to give a chance to communication: it does not oblige you to anything! Maybe the guy is not handsome, but he will charm you in dialogue, and until you tie him up, you will not know how smart the guy is and what a cool sense of humor he has. If you don’t even want to start a conversation, then it’s better to answer: “Sorry, I’m sure you are a great guy and conversationalist, but I don’t have time for new acquaintances and relationships.” If the communication took place and the man invites you to see you, but you don’t want to, tell me honestly that you are satisfied with a friendly note and this guy didn’t interest you as a possible lover.

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4. Don't Promise What You Won't Deliver

In your rejection speech, cross out all phrases such as “not today”, “next week, most likely”, “maybe on the weekend ...”, provided that you intend not to come to the meeting, not answer the phone and know about it in advance but you're just giving false hope. In the eyes of a man, you will simply be a liar or a dynamo who scatters words when you could tell the truth. Therefore, under no circumstances do not utter loud promising phrases. If you burn bridges, then all at once!

5. Rejecting a friend's advances

In order not to trample on the manhood of a guy who has already found himself in the friend zone, consider every word you say when refusing to move from friendship to love. In no case should you feel sorry for him, look through the eyes of a cat from Shrek and lisp. In the end, you are not going to amputate the hand of the poor fellow with your refusal! Say directly: “I like to be friends with you! I don’t know the guy with whom it would be as easy and pleasant for me as with you. But we won't have a relationship. You know I prefer a different type of man!” That's all!

“I don’t want to” can be said in more than a dozen ways: from rude to silent. But in a situation at work, it is still better not to use either rudeness or silence. If a man - a work colleague - showed attention, but you don't need it, try not to make a drama out of it. Without witnesses, tete-a-tete, explain to the boyfriend that at work you will not start a relationship and this is your principled position. And, of course, do not make this situation public: colleagues do not need to know the details, because rejecting a girl is not something a man is proud of.

How to say no to a man you like. How to politely refuse a meeting with a guy, girl or business partner? How to politely, tactfully, delicately refuse courtship to a man, a guy, so as not to offend him: words, phrases, dialogue