Most of our suffering and problems in love are caused by the fact that people are not attentive enough to themselves and to each other at a time when love is just beginning to emerge. Women, once emotions begin to enthrall them, often tend to forget their true purpose, that is, what kind of partner and what kind of relationship they were looking for in the first place. Instead of understanding what kind of person is nearby and how he treats her, the woman is busy with the question: "Does he like me?" A very typical misconception in this case is ignoring the alarm signals and justifying the strange or unworthy actions of a man. Notorious: "And then he showed his true colors!" — means only that often we do not want to see obvious things on early stages convergence. Of course, there are professional deceivers, but most often a person has always had “the same face”, you just turned a blind eye to him. Surprisingly, we often decide on fateful steps without having any idea about each other. When you both listen to the same music and watch the same movies, this does not mean that your views will coincide on such important issues as your attitude towards family, children, money, career, etc. Therefore, a simple recommendation is to keep your eyes keep your ears open, ask questions and don't try to fit your partner's answer to the perfect picture in your head. And first of all, pay attention to the actions, not the words of a man.
There is a certain type of relationship that is inherently useless and destructive. And the only way to maintain physical and mental health is to stop them: when partners are present in each other's lives only physically and very formally, but there is no warmth between them, there is no connection, they exist side by side like 2 ghosts, there is nothing in common between them at all. This is a more terrible form of loneliness - to keep a person near you from whom you see nothing: no warmth, no love, no attention. Practice shows that this is a huge obstacle in order to establish a personal life, and often just start it. It is very difficult for a woman to interrupt emotional ties due to her nature, due to affection, but there is no other way - this sluggish madness must be stopped.
Signs of an insane relationship
- Unhealthy attraction in women, the so-called weakness of the heart. A woman does not love, does not see prospects, but remains with a man out of pity: "He feels bad without me, he will completely disappear without me." On the part of a man, this is blackmail, manipulation, in which a woman in fact unconsciously plays along with him.
- Just persuaded. This is a kind of weakness of the heart. That is, such a relationship when a man persuaded, and a woman succumbed, not realizing why.
- I love crazy! So slow down your enthusiasm and start loving intelligently. Female nature allows a woman not to turn off her mind. And if he turned off, then the woman is in great danger.
- Great expectations. Unrecognized genius. A woman finishes the qualities and talents of the chosen one herself, gives him a big loan, does not live with real person, but with the one she invented. If or as soon as a man is realized, he will urgently find another woman whom he can make happy. At the height of his abilities, he is not inclined to associate with those who see his weakness.
- soul outpourings: a man says that I love you more than all other women and, in addition, begins to tell what these others have done wrong to him. A woman trusts a man a lot when she talks about her exes. This is trust within the feminine nature. But, unfortunately, it is not the same for a man. If a man does this, he does not appreciate her, or only appreciates her as a psychotherapist.
- Game "save the troubled". This is a relationship for a woman with low self-esteem, she does not believe in herself at all, so she stays with a drunkard, a drug addict or a gambler, it is very convenient not to do anything for herself, not to change something in her life.
- Guess the melody. A woman guesses the desires of a man and immediately satisfies them. And yet she talks little about her desires. The woman has guessed and is waiting for the man to guess her desire, that is, she unfolds some kind of demo version for him. The woman hopes that he will appreciate the feat and do the same for her. But as they say, hope dies last, the one who hoped dies first! The psyche of a man is much simpler, he does not play the game "guess the melody", he will simply allow a woman to serve him, thinking that this is her most cherished desire.
- Indulging disrespect. Many women justify the disrespectful behavior of a man by his difficult childhood, fatherlessness, lack of love in his first marriage, or something else. It sounds compassionate, but the real compassion of a woman is to make him begin to appreciate her, develop his qualities, not to indulge, but to help overcome. Until a man gets strong motivation, he won't push himself. A strong motivator for a man can be the fear of losing a loved one.
- Only sex drive. Relationships are built only on the sexual level. A man has designed his life in such a way that he has a wife and another woman. And it's a dangerous game for a man - a double game - two women pine for him, it flatters him very much.
- Khlestakov's syndrome. "The inspector is coming to us!" A woman who is waiting for love opened up for her, prays for her, hopes for her, tends to take any rogue who passes through the provincial town N as an "auditor". She forgets to ask the man for documents, of course, figuratively speaking. She's waiting for Him, so it's Him. Expecting that a man will turn out to be a saint and will not take advantage of this situation is at least naive. But the main thing is that having appointed the first person she meets as an auditor, a woman quickly connects herself with relationships with him, obligations, children, and only after a while she discovers a substitution, sometimes when irreversible steps have already been taken.
- Band-aid effect. A woman appears in a man's life at a time when he experienced pain, most often heartache. She helps him recover psychologically and the biggest test for her will be the moment when the man recovers. Just remember the fate of any adhesive plaster.
- Waiting list. It often seems to a woman that, as in a song, "my love is enough for the two of us". A woman believes that if she loves a lot, then it is enough to wait a little, and the man will love her too. As a rule, these are always long, confusing, perhaps convenient relationships for a man, but completely unhappy for a woman.
A woman needs to learn to be more realistic. And the main motive of a woman in a relationship should be her own happiness, and looking into her happy eyes, a man opens up and improves. A woman needs to find strength, and a man - nobility to end an unhealthy relationship, since this combination makes 4 people unhappy - a woman, a man, and those two who could be happy with them. Are there too many victims?
Love, like many other feelings, has an expiration date. Unfortunately, few are lucky enough to experience love to the grave. It seems that everything is calm and good in life, but one morning, waking up, you clearly understand that a stranger is next to you, that the relationship has reached an impasse - you need to leave, but you don’t leave and torment yourself and him. Why?
One of the common prepositions is habit. You are used to this person, you know what to expect from him, how to live with him and conduct a dialogue. But you can’t build relationships on the ashes of past feelings. Don't look back - look to the future.
Women are afraid to go into the unknown, to a new man. There, beyond, it is not clear how relations will begin to develop, there will be ups and downs, and here it may be lousy, but everything is clear in advance.
The biggest female fear is the fear of loneliness. This applies to women at any age. Surprisingly, many representatives of the weaker sex cling to a man as their last hope, even if, apart from swearing and mutual claims, nothing else connects them. Such relationships should certainly end and quickly.
You need to learn to love yourself, part with unnecessary things and people, raise your self-esteem to the proper level.
Desire to be the center of attention. All complexes grow from childhood. The girl, once disliked by her parents, compensates for the previous lack of care with the current unpromising relationship, giving the man groundless hopes for the continuation of the novel. Such girls need to be loved and idolized by absolutely all familiar and unfamiliar men.
Leave and don't come back
You need to clearly understand and decide for yourself that you do not want the continuation and further development of relations. There is only one way out - to complete the novel completely without any reservations.
If you cannot understand yourself, internal torments on your own, contact a psychologist, at whose reception you can tell the reasons for your experiences. And he, in turn, will help to sort out your feelings.
Lead The Diary, in which you can fix all the incoming emotions, feelings, thoughts. After re-reading the entries with a fresh mind, you will probably understand what exactly you want.
Having decided on such an important step, think about your partner. Such things cannot be said immediately. Prepare for a conversation. Choose neutral territory - some small restaurant or cafe, a crowded place where you will not be able to give vent to feelings.
Try as accurately as possible, calmly, without raising your voice, to explain to the chosen one why your relationship has reached an impasse, and you do not want to continue it. Put an end to it: dispel all doubts so that in the future the person does not bother you with calls and messages, harboring unreasonable hopes.
Of course, after a breakup, it is impossible to remain friends, but try not to bring the relationship to a sworn hostility.
In order not to break loose and not try to return everything, take the free time that has appeared with something useful: sports, yoga, cooking or sewing courses, studying foreign languages. Soon, sick emotions will recede, and you will live a measured life.
Many people, both women and men, dream of meeting their soul mate - a person close in soul and spirit, communication with whom will always be a joy, and with whom they want to share happiness and sadness, and go through life together. Therefore, thousands of new users register on dating sites every day, and hundreds of single people go on a first date. However, not every acquaintance is successful, and many people, unfortunately, instead of a happy romantic relationship, get a "suitcase without a handle" - a hopeless relationship that will never develop into something more than a meaningless romance and will only bring disappointment.
If a person aims to find his soul mate and create a happy family, he needs to learn at the first stages of romantic communication whether the relationship has any prospects, otherwise you can lose months and even years of life, trying to build relationships with the wrong person. Despite the widespread belief that it is impossible to recognize another person in a short time and “an alien soul is dark”, everyone can determine whether it is possible to build a happy relationship with one or another representative of the opposite sex and, in the long term, start a family. To do this, you just need to look at a new acquaintance on first dates and draw the right conclusions.
10 signs of a hopeless relationship
6. Pity instead of love. If one of the partners decides to be with the other solely out of pity for him (the girl decides to take pity on the gentleman who sought her for a long time; the woman starts dating a man who seems unhappy and lonely to her in order to make his life better, etc.), such a relationship is doomed in advance. Pity kills over time and rarely develops into love, but often into irritation and anger: sooner or later, the one who regrets will get tired of the role of "Mother Teresa" in a relationship.
7. A critical difference in the worldview and interests of partners. Undoubtedly, all people are different, and to a certain extent, people who are different from each other complement each other, but too much difference in worldview, education and interests will cause the relationship to be impossible. For example, if a man cannot imagine his life without active pastime and spends his holidays traveling with friends and doing extreme sports, but for a woman best holiday- at home with a book, they are unlikely to be able to build a harmonious relationship.
8. The unpreparedness of a potential lover (or beloved) for a serious relationship. If, when meeting, your new friend directly said that he was not striving for a serious relationship, it is better to believe his words and look for another person to create a family. Otherwise, most likely, the relationship will consist of meetings for sex and will not have any prospects for further development.
9. Life circumstances . Only in fairy tales, the Prince saves the Princess from the enchanted castle and takes her to his palace, where they live happily ever after, but in life, unfortunately, circumstances often become the reason that puts an end to relationships. If partners live in different cities and none is ready to move; if one of the couple cannot come to terms with the occupation of the second, and the second is not going to quit his job; if all relatives are categorically against the relationship, or if one of the partners already has a family, the relationship is probably futile.
10. A potential lover (sweetheart) suffers from a harmful addiction. Drug addiction, alcoholism and gambling have destroyed more than one family, so relationships with a person addicted to these addictions are doomed to failure in advance. Most often, women enter into such relationships with, seeking to pity and save a man from his addiction, and as a result, in the vast majority of cases, they either become co-dependent and unhappy, or break off relations.
A hopeless relationship is a guaranteed way to waste your time and mental strength, receiving only disappointment and low self-esteem in return. Therefore, if at the beginning of communication you notice any of the above signs in a relationship with a new partner, or you intuitively understand that nothing worthwhile will come of your relationship with him, it is better to end the affair and look for your happiness elsewhere. Only by breaking a hopeless relationship and freeing yourself from unnecessary emotional attachment, you can get a chance to meet your soul mate and find true happiness with your loved one.
Is it possible to recognize a hopeless man at the very beginning of an acquaintance? In order not to spend long 10 years on service and love for someone who is not worthy of this in all respects. Who is not ready to part with a bachelor lifestyle, to exchange the carefree existence of a charming "rake" for a cozy nest, a permanent profession and a lawful wife. In other words, how to see an immature man from afar, so as not to get entangled in another sad story with tears, a bucket of ice cream and a repeat of a broken record, they say, “my mother told me.”
You can foresee a hopeless relationship! Here are 4 main signs of immature men, relationships with which will not lead to a happy ending.
1. Avoiding responsible decisions
Why is sharing responsibility so important in a relationship? Because this is factor number 1, which testifies in favor of whether or not to be a couple. A man and a woman must become support for each other, an island of trust and support, otherwise the newly minted cell will not survive in an endless series of life's trials.
Immature men often prefer to avoid the responsibility placed on themselves, shifting important life decisions onto the shoulders of their woman. At the very beginning, this manifests itself in a banal way: it is she who will have to seek the sympathy of a man, win his favor, while he will passively accept courtship. Then it gets worse: the questions “when they come together”, “where to get a piece of bread” or “how to raise a child” - everything will again fall on her shoulders.
Naturally, the man himself will not care about this, because the woman will either have to demand some action from him by persuasion and scandals, or pull everything on herself. And here you should think carefully: are you ready to take on the role of a man in a relationship, or is it better to endure the “breaking of parting” in order to find something much better that you really deserve? In the end, you will still have children, why take on a man who is not capable of independent actions?
2. Dependence on the mother
Two scenarios can be drawn here at once: either he does not have a soul in his mother, constantly comparing you and her (of course, not in your favor); or rebels against his parent, trying to prove that he has become an independent boy. In the first option, a mother for a man becomes the standard of an “ideal” woman, and therefore he will strive to look for a companion in all respects similar to her - caring, patronizing, able to make decisions. In the second case, on the contrary, the man will put his whole soul into the criticism and hatred of the parent, and this is careful! - means to live with a constant eye on the mother, to be dependent on her, albeit in reverse.
No matter how old such a man is, you will either have to compete with the image of his mother, or endure the scornful and even humiliating attitude of a partner who will thus seek to prove to himself his “independence” from a woman. In both cases, you will not be able to feel fully happy and fulfilled. Therefore, it is better to concentrate on finding a man who will strive for harmonious and democratic relations, without deifying a woman, and without a desire to dominate her.
3. Egocentrism
When a man is completely and completely focused on himself, does not know how or does not want to take care of his woman - this says a lot about his immaturity. Such men often love to share everything equally, they say, I - to you, and you - to me. They do not seek to be the first to show their disposition, they do not like to spend money on a woman, they are not ready to invest anything at all. If you dine in a restaurant, then pay equally, if you want something from it, please be kind enough to provide the appropriate service in return.
Self-centered men are not suited for long-term relationships because they don't know how to give, don't want to share, and hate caring. They like to squeeze more out of a partner in order to take advantage and then quit. Maturity involves the desire to give and give without expecting anything in return, remember this!
4. Eccentricity instead of seriousness
There is nothing wrong with passionate and charming male romantics, who, however, are not out of touch with reality. When he can not only watch the sunset with you, but also nail the house and pick up the child from school. If a man is only capable of spontaneous and eccentric antics, after which he disappears from the horizon for a long time under the pretext of “the moon is calling”, you have the same infantile specimen, not created for a serious relationship.
Do not think that the romantic will change under your clear guidance, that he will want to say goodbye to the former life of a free nomad. Rather, as soon as you talk about more, about developing your relationship in the direction of stable and legal, he will disappear as suddenly as he burst into your life. Such is the nature of men with a "fine organization", who are above all this household mess.
Is it possible to re-educate an immature man?
If you have already got involved in a love story and are not ready to give it up just like that, there are chances! To begin with, you will have to work with your own image: stop playing the role of a “caring mom”, a woman “I can do everything myself” or “Hitler in a skirt”. Recall your true feminine essence, return part of his duties to a man, learn to ask for “help” again. Well, it’s better to work through all this before starting a serious relationship in order to start new life with a new self!
You meet a guy, spend a lot of time with him, you feel mutual sympathy. However, it bothers you that your relationship seems to be stuck on the same level, it’s already quite for a long time they don't develop. A familiar situation, isn't it? Unfortunately, most likely, you and your partner are not on the same path. Naturally, you should not immediately break off relations, but you need to take a closer look at the guy. We suggest that you familiarize yourself with the signs that indicate that a man does not intend to build a long-term relationship.
It is impossible to plan joint events with him.
A man never knows exactly what awaits him in the next month. Why is there a month, with it it is impossible to plan anything even for a week. You were going to visit next weekend, and in the last minutes he said that he was going on an urgent business trip? Most likely, this business trip will take place somewhere in the resort, and not with you.
He often goes out of touch
Often such a guy disappears from communication, sometimes for a whole day. Then may appear late in the evening without any explanation. If you persistently find out the reason why he disappeared, you will hear many interesting versions. It can be a sudden car breakdown in an area where there is no signal, and an urgent trip to your beloved grandmother, who needed medicine.
Even if you get through to your partner, your conversation will not last more than a few minutes. One gets the impression that any business for him is more important than your call.
You know very little about him
It would seem that during the time that you meet, you can learn everything about a person. But your boyfriend has remained a mystery to you, and in the full sense of the word. You still don't know exactly where he works, what he aspires to, what his hobbies and plans for the future are. Of course you ask him questions about it. But in response you get only vague phrases that make it difficult to judge something specific.
Your meetings are held according to a special schedule
Does it bother you that you can only meet early in the morning or late in the evening? Naturally, he tries to plausibly explain such a schedule. A sick mother who needs constant care, a small dog that needs to be walked regularly, a job that requires a lot of time - all these excuses look rather suspicious. At the same time, you, of course, did not see either a sick mother or a small puppy. I never met my co-workers either.
He is not interested in your life
The man does not remember the name of your mother, do you have any close relatives? He is not interested in how you feel, what you like to do and what are your desires? All his conversations boil down to sexual relations and yours appearance? This behavior means that the guy does not value you, he does not intend to continue your relationship for longer than it is convenient for him.
You rarely make eye contact with him.
Do you notice that the guy rarely looks you in the eye? When meeting, does he always look away and even during sex prefers to look at the walls or the ceiling? If a man avoids eye contact, you should think about your relationship and its perspective. Moreover, take a closer look at it when you are in crowded places. He may not take his eyes off beautiful girls that you meet along the way.
You find it hard to surprise him
At the beginning of your relationship, the man seemed mysterious to you. All your attempts to surprise him, to cause a smile of approval, met with a cold look. Of course, such an attitude does not contribute to a closer rapprochement. You should not consider him mysterious, he's just not interested in you and he will never open up to you. And his coldness and indifference is a great way to avoid intimacy in a relationship.
You do not find support from him
Whatever problems bother you, sharing them with a guy is a waste of time. He will never hurry not only to help, but even to listen to you. For each of your difficulties, he has an example of his life drama, full of hardships and disappointments. At the same time, you will never get specific details of his misfortune from him.
He won't let you leave first
As soon as you tell such a man that you have decided to break off your incomprehensible relationship, you will immediately hear promises to change everything. Moreover, these will not be declarations of love, assurances that you are dear to him. He will tell you that you are doing wrong, taking the wrong step. In fact, a man simply does not want to be abandoned. 4.9 out of 5 (23 votes)
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